Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Ode to the Monkey Cave

Since Twitter mangled my newlines and this is >140 characters anyway, here it is on a blog post, in its entirety.

O Monkey Cave you're so much fun
you new abode of simian bliss.
For coding, lolcats, podcasts, viz.,
for daily work from ten to one

But also, o mysterious one,
You strangely make me wonder this:
What other monkey business is
within your deeper regions done?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Please Ignore This Message

I find a good portion of human conversation to be unnecessary. A lot of the communication we choose to have with each other—or rather, at each other—serves no purpose beside being said for its own sake.

Why does it seem like some people never stop and think about what the contents of their words mean to the recipient? In some cases, I suspect because the answer would be 'nothing' close to 100% of the time. For instance, in what way does something like "If I'd a known you didn't have one a these, I'd a brought one" give the recipient anything of value? How does the information he could have almost had something improve his current situation? I guess at best the sentence conveys a vague feeling the speaker woulda helped you out if only he'da known, but as warm fuzzy feelings go, that one is kinda tepid and threadbare.

In fact, that whole "if only" can of worms is a rant of its own, an activity that some people seem to love to wallow in. And if the image in your head when you read "wallow" is of a pig in his sty, all I can say is that it matches the one in mine. Image. Head. (To quickly fix the references, because I do not have a lot of time. I have to be going soon.)

Some of you may have guessed: I'm going to see my parents-in-law. Please don't misconstrue the previous paragraphs; I really like them. They're genuinely nice and lovable folks, and I often enjoy spending an afternoon with them. If only there wasn't such bland and shallow conversation. Or if there simply wasn't such a lot of it.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Crooked Little Vein


I am a Warren Ellis fan.

I love Transmetropolitan, Desolation Jones, and especially Fell. I love Ellis' style of setting his story in front of the weirdest backdrops and make it all work. Despite the weirdest scenario, he still manages to make the story interesting and give it depth.

That said, Crooked Little Vein is a little shallower than I had hoped.

Before I start, it is a rather short book. Don't let the package fool you, it looks like a normal book, but it has a large typeface and wide margins.

Starting to read Crooked Little Vein, I got the impression Ellis wrote it with the explicit intent to put something gross on every page. The beginning of the book failed to draw me in by cracking too many jokes, too many one-liners, and generally going overboard too much. In that respect, to me it was a lot like the first half of Hugh Laurie's The Gun Seller—too smart for it own good. I did enjoy the grossness, and I genuinely cringed a couple of times at his descriptions of (or his hinting at) the outrageous acts of perversion that form the backdrop to his book. But it is this crass backdrop which is, in my view, the book's weakness.

Warren Ellis tries to do something extraordinary by using the most vile, disgusting, and often silly occurrences as the setting of his book, in a way a dystopian view of America, where perversion is pervasive. Instead of employing it for shock value (e.g. make a baddie truly hateable by giving him some weird repugnant fetish), he transforms it into something ordinary, which the characters in the book accept as everyday occurrences.

The one occasion where the plot itself sharply rises above the background noise level is late in the book, at a turning point for the main character. Up until then, Warren Ellis has been the weird uncle you only meet once every year on that family occasion, whom you try to get drunk because he will tell you the most outrageous stories. But the harmless uncle suddenly gets up and punches you in the stomach so hard all the air goes out of your lungs. Like Cory Doctorow, Ellis masterfully tortures his readers and induces that gut-wrenching feeling of loss you feel in sympathy with his characters.

The ending is short and sweet, although it could have been a little sweeter in my opinion. The reconciliation between the two main characters, an ideal counterpoint to the mean shock before, would have been nicer had it been described in more detail. It still would not have been too long. After all, the point of hurting you main character is to set up the happy ending, right?

All in all, I think Crooked Little Vein is best not considered as a full-length novel, but as something more experimental, like Warren Ellis' three-issue miniseries City of Silence. I do not mean to belittle the book in any way by saying this, by the way. I did enjoy it hugely, and I think it's wonderful that not all books are the same.

Ellis Fans: Buy it if you don't have it already, which you almost certainly do anyway.
Others: You might as well go ahead and buy it, if you fulfill the prerequisites: being a little jaded to the perversions of modern times, and the ability to accept a story on its own grounds.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

By the Way, Congratulations

Friday, January 09, 2009

Untitled

"You're out of here on the count of three, or I shoot the three of you. One."

What's he waiting for? He can't think I'm not going to shoot. I apply more pressure. Make it clear I'm not messing around.

"I'm going shoot your daughter first."

I take aim on the center of the five year old's forehead. His new wife's face drains of all color and she looks ready to faint.

"Two."

Why the hell is he smiling?

"Three."

I brace myself. I hate it when this happens. You bring yourself in a situation where you lose control, and you have to do things you don't want to.

The hammer clicks home on the empty chamber.

"Don't get yourself into a situation where you have to do things you don't want to," he says.

The quote is so familiar, from years ago, it almost brings a smile to my lips. Brief memories of shared in-jokes and friendly discussions take me back to a less complicated, happier time. All the fight goes out of me.

I have to beat them to death with the butt of my empty gun now. It will mean life imprisonment for me, at the least, if I don't. I've seen it done, but I can't bring myself to do it.

"Damn it, dad." I say, dropping my gun onto the thick carpet.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yahoo wants to copy my data to its servers in... Limbo?




So they want to copy my data to their servers in . I've neven been to , but I hear it's nice and warm there.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My Kitchen. Let Me Show You It.

Sorry for the confusion, I had a YouTube link here at first, but YouTube mangled my video, getting get the audio out of sync.

Please download it until I find a better solution.